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[Personal Log | Locked]
Something... isn't right. I can't explain it. Liz hardly even looks at me anymore. It's like she doesn't even know who I am. I feel fine... but I don't think I am. I wish I knew how to explain it. Everyone - not just Liz - everyone thinks something is wrong with me.
I think something is wrong with me.
Liz is right. This isn't me. I don't think this is me. By this point I'm not sure anymore if it is or not. This ship... I think I loved it once. What changed? I used to love spending time in the engine room. People don't just suddenly wake up one day and realize the life they've been living is a lie, so why does it feel like that's exactly what happened? I'm not even sure anymore which is the real me.
Medical didn't find anything wrong. That... doesn't prove anything. Physically, I'm fine. Mentally... I don't know. All I know for certain... all I think I know for certain... Liz wouldn't lie to me. And Liz is convinced that this isn't who I'm supposed to be.
What if this is permanent? What if whatever's happened to me doesn't stop, what if... what if that man that I'm supposed to be is never who I'll be again? What if the man that Liz loves is gone for good?
What if I lose her? God, what if I lose her?
[End Personal Log]
[[OOC: Note to Lexie - If Liz is still keeping an eye on Scotty, feel free to have her find this entry on Scotty's PADD; he's left it on the coffee table.]]
Something... isn't right. I can't explain it. Liz hardly even looks at me anymore. It's like she doesn't even know who I am. I feel fine... but I don't think I am. I wish I knew how to explain it. Everyone - not just Liz - everyone thinks something is wrong with me.
I think something is wrong with me.
Liz is right. This isn't me. I don't think this is me. By this point I'm not sure anymore if it is or not. This ship... I think I loved it once. What changed? I used to love spending time in the engine room. People don't just suddenly wake up one day and realize the life they've been living is a lie, so why does it feel like that's exactly what happened? I'm not even sure anymore which is the real me.
Medical didn't find anything wrong. That... doesn't prove anything. Physically, I'm fine. Mentally... I don't know. All I know for certain... all I think I know for certain... Liz wouldn't lie to me. And Liz is convinced that this isn't who I'm supposed to be.
What if this is permanent? What if whatever's happened to me doesn't stop, what if... what if that man that I'm supposed to be is never who I'll be again? What if the man that Liz loves is gone for good?
What if I lose her? God, what if I lose her?
[End Personal Log]
[[OOC: Note to Lexie - If Liz is still keeping an eye on Scotty, feel free to have her find this entry on Scotty's PADD; he's left it on the coffee table.]]
